1. You people sure like a girl who farms her hair. I’m leaving it, ok?
2. Maleficent hoyden, yes. In this instance, 'hoyden' is correct usage, not 'harridan'. I figure I have at least twenty years before I'm a harridan, if at all, because I don’t intend to start an unhealthy dependence on tanning beds, drinking gin-and-tonic on people’s staircases at parties, or over-using mascara. I remain committed to hoydenry.
3. Deadlegging. Is it perhaps only schoolteachers and schoolkids who know what this is? I’m not going to tell you how to do it. Because it’s not a very nice thing to do to someone, that’s why. Grow up, will you?
4. Comments, m'dears. I love your emails much, but really the little clicky thing at the bottom of posts is there to make it more convenient for you to tell me these things. I want to sink luxuriously into your emails for your private and delicious between-me-and-thee-and-the-gmail-data-miners thoughts, not your queries on my choice of vocabulary. Pants, god bless her, is trying hard, but she’s only one woman. (And for the record, my vocabulary choices are always correct. Always. Don't fight it.)