Sunday, 5 April 2009

unsuccessful tourism activities

I’ve been Seeing the Local Sights, because you do that when people From Away are visiting. You have to Show Them the Local Sights, and as there are many Local Sights I Haven’t Seen this was an Excellent Opportunity.

AMBER: Let’s go to the museum!
AMBER’S MUM: I am very on board with museums. I love museums. In fact, I require regular applications of local history to maintain good health. I am the Queen of Museums!!
AMBER: I know. I actually do totally know that. I used to live with you, remember?

AMBER’S MUM (confused): Is it me, or is this museum actually an art gallery with one very large piece of art in it?
AMBER: That's an excellent point. But it says here it is the one piece of art that sums up this whole artist’s life so far, including his battle with not one but two debilitating diseases.
AMBER’S MUM: I definitely got that from looking at it.

(not very much later)
AMBER’S MUM: On further reflection, this museum appears to be mostly a shop with an art gallery with one very large piece of art in it attached. But look! Here in the shop is a box of cards with paintings of the local area on them. These are painted by some Canadian artists From History.
AMBER’S MUM (to the museum shop lady): In this box of cards are historical paintings of the local area. Where can we see these paintings?
MUSEUM SHOP LADY: Well, we sometimes sell posters.
AMBER’S MUM: No, I mean, the actual paintings. Where can we see them?
MUSEUM SHOP LADY (laughing quietly to herself at the indescribable lunacy of the foreign loons before her): Oh, no! These artists are dead.
AMBER’S MUM (backing away slowly): Ah. Well, thanks for clearing that up. Ber-bye.

AMBER’S MUM: I think I’m ready to go home now.

2 comments:

lynette said...

haha!

Anonymous said...

Very amusing indeed... and speaking of museums, I was just this very day reading about a hidden gem of a museum in Hong Kong:

HK Correctional Services Museum

And some extracts from the blurb on this tourist attraction:

"Not to worry, these days all the bad guys are kept across the road in Stanley Prison, a maximum security facility for the city's hardened criminals."

"...a hollowed out bible used to conceal drugs..."

"...a display of handicrafts made by prisoners..."

"...an audio exhibit featuring songs recorded by inmates."

Perhaps not worth flying out for this alone, but should your Mum ever be in the neighbourhood...

G