Saturday, 8 March 2008

call for entries

I'd like to announce my entry for the Most English Saturday Afternoon Competition 2008.

Drove to a small English market town, clocking the traffic jam back in the other direction on the main road and making a mental note to return via small villages with names such as Ashby-de-la-Zouch and Barton-in-the-Beans. Entered car park and drove around for a minimum of 25 minutes looking for a space. Wandered through market street with people shouting "potatoes eighty pence a pound" rubbing shoulders with stalls selling knockoff perfumes and clothing labels. Stopped in a cafe and ordered tea and cake. Gestated a child while waiting for refreshment to arrive. Remortgaged house to pay for refreshment. Returned to car, coming across a real live group of morris dancers morris dancing (while carrying beer).

I think the clincher for my entry is actually knowing the morris dancers personally. It could only have been more English if someone had been filming a BBC adaptation of the Pickwick Papers in the town hall square.

Other entries this year include the entire Tottenham Hotspurs football team performing a pantomime on a chilly East Coast esplanade while eating fish and chips with mushy peas, and Dame Judi Dench singing Land of Hope and Glory as she serves lemon fingers at a Women's Institute tea to raise funds for the Chelsea Pensioners. Keep your fingers crossed for me. I'm in with a good chance.

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