Me: Let’s go to Toronto to hear some Authors!
Librarian Friends Ess and Dee: That’s awfully far, and we'll be up way past our usual bedtime.
Me: It is Justine Larbalestier and Scott Westerfeld.
Ess and Dee: Road trip!
In Toronto. We advance menacingly three-abreast on the Authors.
Me: *Hear myself say* I loved this awesome monkey knife fighting fairy mangosteen book you wrote. My favourite bit was the bobsled accident. It was tremendously funny and clever. I think you should also write one about the main characterʼs little sister. She was great.
Me: *apparently actually say* We brought you biscuits. They are the Australian Arnott’s biscuits I get from our local British/NZ/ Oz shop when I am homesick. However, it seems to me there are very few Australians/ Kiwis here because the Australian/ Kiwi stuff is all really old. I suspect these of being at the very least stale and possibly poisonous.
Justine Larbalestier: Um, thanks.
Dee: *gets out enormous pile of Scott Westerfeld’s books for him to sign. Cackles*. I’ve got forty three thousand books, and she brought biscuits. All we need is for Ess to ask you to pull her finger.
Ess: *faints with mortification at her two compatriots* I am a very shy person. Please don’t think I am anything like these two yahoos.
Scott Westerfeld: *sees that there are Advance Reading Copies in Dee’s enormous pile of books she has brought for him to sign* Hey, where did you get these?
We chorus: We’re librarians. We choose books for libraries. We bought your books for many libraries.
Justine Larbalestier and Scott Westerfeld: We generally like librarians.
Scott Westerfeld *to Ess, who also has ARCs*: Who should I sign these to (or 'to whom should I sign these'; I don’t want to put grammatically incorrect words in his mouth)?
Ess: *fainting in shyness* Ohhh…no…it’s ok – I am too shy to tell you my name. You could just sign them. No name.
Scott Westerfeld: *gives Ess the stink-eye* I strongly suspect you of going off to sell these on eBay.
Ess: *drops dead*
There was also a bit with a sock, which I won’t go into, because thanks to my camera battery going dead, there’s no evidence. But you can tell a lot about someone if they are willing to hold your sock-in-progress for a photo. It is an indication of their soundness, some would say, that they are willing to engage with you on a sock-holding level, especially if they already suspect you of going off to make gobs of cash from their signed ARCs.
A, Ess and Dee *being shepherded out by security*: Result. Now, when does Jaclyn Moriarty next come to Canada? I bet we can totally freak her the frack out.
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4 comments:
It just goes to show you that if you are a shy person, meeting authors is overrated. At least I always had 'can I get you a glass of water' for conversation. That one never got old.
Pants, I never met a co-ordinator of authorial events who could offer a glass of water with anything like your professionalism.
The monkey knife fighting fairy mangosteen sports book really is excellent, though. You will have to read it. In your spare time.
Found you via the author-signing question over at Justine' blog, and YOU MADE THEM HOLD AN IN-PROGRESS SOCK!? You are so very awesome! O, how I wish that there was photographic evidence!
I love this game. :)
You could join in by showing up to events and asking people to hold your cello. Now _that_ would separate the men from the boys. Bonus marks for any author who can pluck a convincing version of the acoustic opening to Russell Morris's _The Real Thing_. Go forth and find them.
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