Saturday, 22 November 2008


Aotearoa New Zealand Herald, Sydney, January 2nd 2109

Today celebrations were held throughout Aotearoa New Zealand to mark the centennial Union Day.

Geopolitical events preceding the annexation of West Island created a favourable climate that engendered a high level of national confidence among New Zealanders at the time. The Rugby League World Cup final of November 22nd 2008 had resulted in a 34-20 win for the New Zealand side, beating the clear favourites (known at the time as the “Kangaroos”) who had won every one of the two teams’ last 13 World Cup meetings. Protests from the Kangaroos’ supporters, that largely took the form of “hardly call a bunch of Queenslanders the national team, mate; weren’t even trying,” fell upon deaf ears.

Historians remain divided on whether the World Cup defeat was evidence of Australia’s general weakened state, as admitted by the country’s Defence Minister on November 18th 2008. In fact, his decision to give the entire Australian Navy two months off over the Christmas period went largely unnoticed worldwide at the time due to other more important international events: a general election in the Maldives, the coronation of a new King of Bhutan, and the recent creation of a new children’s book prize in the UK. However, when Wellington intelligence officials were later asked how they uncovered this vital military information about their nearest neighbour and enemy, they were reported as saying “Yeah, we totally just read it in the paper one morning.”

The slip-up of simply telling everyone Australia would be undefended from November to January because Santa was coming, history suggests, could have been the fatal mistake that sealed the then-country’s fate.

The invasion was swift and bloodless. The most effective and efficient weapon proved to be a combination of red and blue Textas, used to convert the Australian flag instantly into that of the victorious nation simply by colouring it in.

flag of the former Australia

The most important institutions and mouthpieces were targeted and taken over immediately, including the parliament in Canberra, the Cadbury chocolate factory in Victoria, and John Nutting’s Saturday Night Country show on the former ABC (now a part of the ANZBC).

The unification of Aotearoa New Zealand to include West Island was formally ratified and announced on January 2nd 2009.

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