To: My Ability to Write
You seem to have gone missing. In fact I become more and more convinced that you were never here in the first place. Please send news of your whereabouts, if you do in fact exist.
To: People Who Read News
I apologise for the drop in quality of certain news articles you may chance to read this week. They will be factually accurate, but that’s about all I can give you. This is despite excellent source material, cf. the Australian Plague Locust Commission’s monthly locust bulletins, which I have been reading with great interest.
You may be returned to your regularly scheduled standard of news articles next week. Also, you may not.